Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Vancouver


I don't know. What do I suppose to do right now.
A depress book, followed by a depress city.
It feels as if the rush, the heat, the sweat
was gazillion miles away, right at the moment when I landed in Vancouver.
It is so gray.

I have nothing against Vancouver.
I am thrilled to finally be here to spend some quality time with my family.
It's just every time when I come back to visit,
for the first few days, I feel ... what's the word, uneasy.
May be it's the weather, or the smell.
May be it's the awkwardly friendly Canadians.
May be it's the way-too-fine Chinese food.
Or may be it's not Vancouver,
but the fact that there are some things in Chicago,
that I just never want to be away from.
And honestly, I never thought that I would ever miss Chicago.

I felt like throwing up on my ride home.
The whole idea of being attached to some things,
or some one, or some places disgusts me. It worries me.

Mom bought shrimps, craps, and fish.
We Chinese eat fresh.
So I wasn't surprise that, every now and then,
the shrimps would still jump inside the gray plastic bag,

In the car,
I smell fish.
I smell sushi.
I smell onions.
I smell ginger.
I smell roasted duck.
I smell BBQ pork shoulder.
I smell a feast that my mom is going to put together tonight.
I smell a feast that all the dishes on tonight's menu are going to be my favorites.

I felt guilty.
Because tho I love my mom,
I don't feel like to eat, at all.

I played with my cats.
I walked back and forth.
I called my daddy.
I screamed at the skunk, who was trying to steal food from my pets.

And in between all of those activities,
I run up to my room and looked at the screen of my phone.

And in between dinner,
I ran up to my room.

And after dinner.
I ran up to my room.

I said I was going to take a shower,
but turned out I was talking to some person inside the computer monitor,
longer than the shower would actually take.

I did not want to hang up,
I did not actually want to get into the shower,
but I did not want to be a control freak either.

Let's say, if the video chat was 30 minute long,
I was in the shower for 3 min.
I couldn't care less about how clean I am,
how good I smell,
how funny my hair looks,
how dry my lips are.
Surprising.

After shower,
I found some chocolate in my reserved candy box.
I spent some time looking through the floor plans of the house
that I was suppose to help finishing up in this trip.
The writing on it was horrible.
The font is wrong. It pisses me off.

I need something to make me happy.
I tried to finish up " How Proust Can Change Your Life "
but I couldn't even finish the lonely left over 2 pages for the chapter.

" If you can't get something out of your mind, you should read,
or watch another movie. It's call diversion. Divert-your-attention."

Right. But I can't even read. Not even 2 pages.

As I am typing this post. I feel at ease.
Probably because I am getting tired.
Or because I finally get to whine, in the form of words.

I tend to rise really early in the morning
when the skin of the person I adore was not touching mine, in bed.

And then I will stare at the ceiling for awhile,
because it is so white, so flat, and so interesting.
And then I will read, till my craving for caffein is unbearable.

And then I will start my new day
by thinking,
I hope his Rembrandt presentation will go flawlessly.


The Night Watch (1642) - Rembrandt van Rijin


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