Plans?

After talking on the phone with a friend today morning, I feel so panic for all the plans after graduation.

I know that I am not "planless" and definitely not "goaless". It's actually the exact opposite. Too many plans for one determined goal. But I have not let myself really sit and write down THE PLAN. I need to plan myself from date to date like how I do everything.

There's only less than two months left before I graduate from college. I am REALLY starting to feel terrified. There are so much, too much to do and to plan for, that I almost don't want to start planning. The number one scary thing is the fact that I need to go back to China to actually live there for a while. I don't know how I am going to feel about that. I don't even know how I am FEELING about it right now just the thought of living there for A WHILE.

Then it's the problem of grad school. Right, I've been telling everyone that I am going to grad school. So I have to go to grad school, and most importantly, to get in one. I want to go to grad school, it's always in my agenda. But all these THINGS that I need to go through BEFORE grad school, or that awful few months before receiving acceptance letters are just SOOOOOO DISGUSTING. I have not even STARTED working on my portfolio, not to mention about applications. AND apparently, we've missed the Fall semester deadline (as I expected). I also am not sure whether they have spring semester applications either. I HATE uncertainties in my plans, and EVERYTHING is uncertain at this stage. SO frustrating.

JOB JOB JOB. To get or not to get?! The rough (like REALLLLY rough) plan is that we are going to China to visit my family, to spend sometime there and get familiar with places. Then we go travel (this is the most exciting part of the plan). AND THEN we get our acceptance notices, and we go to London, settle down, and start our grad school life. Hopefully find a job in london as well. But now we've missed the deadline. OR if we don't even get in the March session. Then we are likely to HAVE TO find a job, would it be a little to late to find jobs then?? My desire is to get everything ready, jobs and schools. So by the time when I am done with all the FUN, all I need to do is to pick JOB or SCHOOL, while both of them are ready for me.

Every time when people ask me what's my plan after graduation, I get the chills because of all the mess I mentioned above. Alex is soooo layback on all these matters. Sometimes I think that we have the most opposite personalities. He better be really getting serious about it all or I am so gonna kick his butt. HOWEVER, I am very happy that this alex person is actually willing to go through all these mess and new things and uncertain near future with me, well at least for now. He has been very supportive and on the same page and pace with me on these things, which I am VERY MUCH appreciated.

Anyways.... due to the amount of audience of my blog, which is "0", I can't tell anybody to wish me luck. Seriously tho... I really hope that things can be planned out asap, and be RELIEVED. So may god wish me luck.

Aiiiii.....